


crying isn't like you (i love you)

by pouthyucks



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mentioned Lee Jeno, Post-Break Up, Unrequited Love, past nohyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 14:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18606829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouthyucks/pseuds/pouthyucks
Summary: In which Mark wants to be more than friends, but he knows what Donghyuck needs.; title from i love you by billie eilish





	crying isn't like you (i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi sorry i haven't posted anything new in like Ages dsjdsjdh i've been super busy with school and my boyfriend and actually getting good grades for once so i haven't exactly had time to come up with new ideas and then actually write them.
> 
> this fic was heavily inspired by i love you by billie eilish so i recommend you [listen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiinVuzh4DA) to it while you read this uwu.
> 
> anyway so i should be back to posting new stuff soon?? and i've almost finished writing the next chapter of home among the gum trees so that should be up in the next few weeks hehe

Mark has seen Donghyuck cry five times during their ten year long friendship. 

The first was back in Grade 3 when Donghyuck got pushed off the monkey bars. Mark wiped his tears away with his thumbs and kissed his soon-to-be-bruised knees better. 

The second was in Grade 7 when Mark almost got sent back to Canada for school. They cried together for hours when Mark showed up at his front door to tell him the news with tear tracks painted down his cheeks. 

The third was when they watched a sad dog movie together when they were 13. Donghyuck turned away from Mark with shiny eyes before sobbing into his shoulder. Mark started crying too, letting the tears silently stream down his face as Donghyuck hiccups into his hoodie. 

The fourth was after Donghyuck’s first break up when they were 14. Mark told him that he was going to find the guy who broke his best friend’s heart and beat him up. Donghyuck laughed through his tears, calling Mark a softie and punching his arm. 

And the fifth time is now, as Donghyuck cries into his hands, Mark rubbing circles into the small of his back and trying to comfort him.

“You’re better than him, Hyuckie. You don’t deserve to go through any of this,” Mark says, his heart aching as Donghyuck’s sobs turn into spluttered cries, wracking his body. Donghyuck doesn’t cry often, at least not in front of him. But it’s a tidal wave every time. 

“B-But I do, Mark. I-If I didn’t, this w-wouldn’t have happened,” he says through shaky breaths, muffled by his hands. 

“No you don’t, trust me. No one does, especially not someone as amazing and wonderful as you. One day, you’re gonna find a guy who adores you, I promise,” Mark says, his own tears threatening to spill. 

“But I want Jeno to adore me. I want him so bad, M-Mark,” Donghyuck cries. 

“I know, Hyuckie. I know,” Mark whispers, Donghyuck turning into Mark’s chest, his arms around the older’s middle, crying into his shirt. Mark just continues to soothe his best friend as best he can, even though he can feel his own heart starting to split and shatter into shards of glass. 

 

Mark realised he was in love with Donghyuck when he was 13. 

They were sitting on Mark’s front porch, doing homework, Donghyuck making fun of Mark for not being able to do basic maths. They kept inching closer and closer, their foreheads almost touching, Mark’s heart racing. Donghyuck’s brow was furrowed in concentration, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he read over the textbook. Mark’s eyes softened, wanting nothing more than to press a soft kiss to his lips. He remembers Donghyuck looking up at him and laughing, the sunset in his eyes. 

But Mark had always known that he’d never tell Donghyuck. The boys Donghyuck dated were all out and confident, the kind of boys that would proudly kiss Donghyuck in public and hold his hand and never let go. 

And Mark swore Donghyuck to secrecy five years ago, making him vow to never tell a single soul that he’s gay six different ways. He knows Donghyuck deserves better, he deserves the boys that aren’t afraid of people knowing that they love him. 

Tonight, however, Mark realises that Donghyuck is the kind of boy he wants to show off to the world. The kind of boy that he just wants to kiss and hold and treasure forever. 

But as Donghyuck sobs into his chest, muttering broken apologies to both Mark and the boy that broke his heart just an hour ago, Mark knows that’ll never happen. 

“I still can’t believe he cheated on me, Mark,” Donghyuck says, wiping his eyes and gaining his composure again. “And I can’t believe that I want to forgive him…” he adds, looking away from Mark. 

Mark feels his heart break even more, with a few tears escaping and falling. He wishes he could fix this, god, that’s all he wants. He just wants Donghyuck to feel loved like he deserves to be loved.

“Hyuckie…” Mark says, petting Donghyuck’s hair. “Please don’t put yourself through that again. You don’t need Jeno, okay? You deserve someone that’s going to cherish you no matter what, someone who’s going to take care of you a-and really, truly love you. Someone who only wants you, because you’re amazing and incredible and more than enough,” Mark rambles. 

Donghyuck looks up at him, more tears spilling down his cheeks as he smiles. 

“I love you, Mark,” he says, burying his face in Mark’s chest again. “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.”

There’s a sharp pain in Mark’s chest, but he smiles anyway. 

“I love you too, Hyuckie. You know I’m always gonna be here, right?”

“I know. That’s why I love you.”

 

Donghyuck eventually falls asleep, snoring lightly as he grips Mark’s shirt, his breath occasionally faltering with the furrowing of his brow. 

And as much as Mark desperately wants Donghyuck to love him the same way he loves him, he knows that that isn’t what Donghyuck needs right now. 

Donghyuck needs a friend, and that’s exactly what Mark is happy to keep being. 

He just wants to see his best friend smile.


End file.
